One of my biggest breakthroughs in this department has been learning that taking it slow doesn’t just apply to sexual intimacy — it applies to. I talk about it with people I’m romantically interested in. For me, what I really began to grasp is that I was being by not taking the time to really establish that the person I felt so deeply drawn to was, in fact, a good, safe and solid match for me. If they are not interested in us then they are not interested, we can then accept it and move on.One of my life projects is learning how to date slowly. It has to do with learning how to establish boundaries at the onset of a relationship and progressively allowing a person to enter into the inner sanctum of your heart as you move from strangers to trusted friends and lovers over time. But, we recently slept together (it felt right and was great).But, we are technically not exclusive (meaning, we talked prior to sleeping together and said that we were both able to date others, if we wanted).
It’s time to stop pretending that we do not like someone in order to appear cool, gain power or because we are afraid. He’s attentive (he texts and chats with me online every day), affectionate, asks me out regularly (we have seen each other multiple times every week since we met), and makes time for me (he has a lot of interests and activities).Our chemistry was immediate (physical, intellectual, and emotional) and things have been very easy so far. I am totally comfortable with the speed (how often we are communicating, seeing each other, and sharing information about ourselves).Most fundamentally, it’s about learning to appreciate and respect time. I am very happy (and he said that he is happy when he is with me) and like him the more I get to know him. Van Epp’s book is not really about categorizing whole swaths of humanity as “Jerks” so much as it is about learning how to develop the skill of building intimacy over time.